


Perihelion

by killaidanturner



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Eventual Smut, M/M, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Pre-Civil War (Marvel), it's like an au inside an au, ok so every universe is gonna have something different so i'll add tags as i go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-23 21:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7480560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killaidanturner/pseuds/killaidanturner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You spend all this time trying to save the world so you don’t have to save yourself.”</p><p>A comet is heading towards earth and Tony thinks that he can stop it, especially since this time there's no worm hole. Except when he hits the comet is pushes him another reality and then he gets sent into another, and another, and another. In each one he finds Steve, sometimes its good, sometimes it feels like seventy years worth of tragedy. Disappointment and missed opportunities. Eventually he doesn't even know if he wants to go home anymore or if he even has one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Steve spends his days in Tony’s workshop. After Ultron he thought it best to move back to New York. He didn’t realize, Steve takes a deep breath as he watches Tony’s tired eyes focus in on a screen, he didn’t realize that Tony needed someone around.

 

Maybe Steve wanted to be around.

 

D.C. was lonely, D.C. was riddled with memories of the winter, smoke covered eyes, metal, and a promise, “I’m with you till the end of the line.”

 

Steve would sit in his apartment and look at the record player, sometimes he would put on a record but turn down the sound to just hear the static and the scratch of the needle. He would try to sketch but when he did it would always be the New York skyline. He would think of the beginning, the things that he had said to Tony and all of their inaccuracies. He remembers thinking that Tony was selfish but the thing is selfish people take, and take, and take and Tony has never taken a piece of Steve. He has never taken anything from him, only gave, and Steve wishes that Tony hadn’t been to brash, closed off, that he didn’t turn into a hundred different masks just to avoid from taking.

 

This is how he finds his hands wandering, drawing skyscrapers and his heart feeling like its being pulled in his chest and thinking that he has something to give.

 

Tony had extended every available resource to Steve to help find Bucky but after months of looking Steve realized that if Bucky wanted to be found he would have already.

 

“He’s not the same person, I know that, and one day I’ll find him and things will be better but we have a lot of other things that we need to work on right now.” It hurt to admit it, hurt to have it feel like he was giving up on something.

 

“Like what?”

 

Steve pulls his lips tight, forces a smile. You. How you’re holed up in here and barely talk to anyone anymore.  “Well, like, I heard you have an event coming up this week that you’ve been ignoring for months. I was thinking I could come with you.”

 

Tony swivels around in his chair quickly, just the thing to get his attention. “New arm candy?”

 

“You wish Stark. I always get send to the really awful events, I was hoping that you could take me to one of yours, show me what a party is really like. One that won't be crashed by evil robots.”

 

Tony narrows his eyes. “Ultron wasn’t a, ok you know what, fine. But I’m contacting Thor and asking him to bring some of that Asgard million year of whatever barrel whiskey to at least make you actually fun.”

 

Steve thinks that it isn’t such a bad idea.

 

It’s this or listen to the rasp of his knuckles against a punching bag, feel the beads of sweat against his skin.

 

* * *

 

When Steve isn’t hovering over Tony, or around him, or trying to catch orbit, he’s training the new avengers. Or more so listening to Sam argue with Vision about fighting techniques and Wanda interrupting them with little sparks of red.

 

Natasha smiles fondly at him, pats his back, “you wanted this.”

 

It helps when Tony gave up after two months from being away from his so called retirement, or whatever the hell he wanted to call it, and comes walking in like he never left, like he isn’t burying problems with each step that he takes.

 

Steve looks at him with half hope, half like he’s caught off guard. Tony is filling spaces that Steve didn’t know were a void, and Steve realizes he’s still giving without even knowing it.

 

“You’re restless,” Steve says with a half cocked grin.

 

Tony taps his feet against the floor, runs his hands down his thighs. “Haven’t had any projects lately.”

 

“In what? Twenty-four hours?” He tries not to laugh when he notices Tony’s small nod of recognition. “We could go a few rounds.” Steve nods his head to the boxing ring.

 

“Only if you don’t take it easy on me cupcake.” Tony is already standing, making his way across the room.

 

Steve waits, watches as Tony lowers himself and arches his back to get between the ropes. He realizes that this is just an excuse for skin on skin. For a moment Steve wishes that his skin would bruise so that he could have something to remember this by.

 

He swallows at the thought, his throat becoming dry. He shakes it off, jumps from side to side like he’s getting ready for a real boxing match and not to feel his friends weight against him.

 

* * *

 

Maybe being with the Avengers is some sort of sanctuary.

 

* * *

 

“I never read all of your file.”

 

Steve pauses, looks over at Tony who isn’t looking at him, but instead absently playing on the screen in front of him.

 

“What?”

 

“SHIELD, they gave all of us files of each other years ago. I never read all of yours.”

 

“Why not? I read all of yours.”

 

Tony smiles, it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Of course you did. I didn’t read it because at a certain point it felt too personal, like I was taking something that wasn’t mine.”

 

There’s a thing about taking, and Steve thinks of it once more and wishes there was fractals and myriads of him that he could give.

 

* * *

 

There’s something unspoken and lethal resting at the back of Steve’s throat, waiting to be awakened.

 

* * *

 

“I’m not as good as you.” Steve says when they’re getting ready for the event.

 

Tony straightens his tie and looks at Steve through the mirror, eyebrows arched. “Did I fall into another universe? What are you talking about?”

 

“I read all of your file.” Steve doesn’t say that it’s years later and he still has it.

 

“Of course you did, military precision. Find anything interesting?” Tony expects a comment about his old ways, back before Steve knew him. Steve gives him a small smile.

 

“I like your middle name.”

 

Tony stops his hands, locks his eyes onto Steve’s. Even with the distance between them he can see the seven seas storming behind them and Tony swallows, looks away from the riptide and grabs the cufflinks on his dresser.

 

“Yeah? You should have heard what mom wanted it to be.”

 

“What was that?”

 

“Cornelius.”

 

Steve bursts with laughter. “I find that really hard to believe.”

 

“What’s yours? Independence? Justice? Liberty? Don’t tell me it’s something unpatriotic.”

 

Steve can’t help the grin that’s spreading on his face, pulling at his lips and his heart. “Grant.”

 

“Not what I expected, we should change it.” Tony is back to moving a million miles a minute and trying to make the world spin backwards as he does it.

 

But Steve finally feels like he gave Tony something to keep and he figures that has to count for something.

 

* * *

 

He had been waiting for this, the inevitable, something that none of them could stop.

 

* * *

 

Tony has already calculated all of the possible outcomes. He knows that this is the best solution.

 

Lightning cracks across the sky. Leaves stick to the bottoms of shoes as people run to get under cover.

 

“There has to be another way-”

 

Tony cuts him off, “I can get there the fastest, I can redirect it, move it, get it out of the way. I don’t really know, but I know it’s our best option.”

 

Steve clenches his fists, squares his jaw, leans forward on his feet.

 

“It won't be like last time.” Tony says to reassure Steve or maybe himself.

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

“Of course I do, there’s no wormhole this time.” His smile is weak as he says it.

 

* * *

 

Steve doesn’t want to watch the scene play out but he can’t look away. He watches the comet streak across the sky. He waits for some sort of tear in the sky to open, for something else to happen. He realizes that there’s nothing that he can do and all he can think about is telling Tony that he wasn’t the guy to lay his life down and regretting it every day since. He thinks of Peggy, his soft eyes and red lips as she choked back sobs and tried talking to him as the water pulled him under.

 

He thinks that this is a lot like that, that space is trying to claim Tony yet again, that the universe has some sort of hold on him and there’s nothing he can do but try to talk to him and hope that these aren’t his final moments.

 

He thinks that when they make it out of this that he’ll tell Tony about that day all those year ago, how the cold started in his fingertips and worked it’s way to his heart and ask Tony if that’s how it feels flying through the sky, out so far where the sun doesn’t reach.

 

* * *

 

Stardust clings to his suit.

 

“Power at 1%” It's not that his calculations were off, he just knew that he wasn't going to make it. 

 

“I really need to start working on something that can survive out here in the fucking nothingness. Too bad I fucking hate coming out here.”

 

Light flashes around him, he tries to keep a mantra in his mind, something to cling onto. He thinks of the Avengers, of Steve, of Pepper, Rhodey, he thinks of all of them safe and it give him what he needs. 

 

He puts everything he has into the suit, everything he has left, and throws himself against the propelling rock. He hits harder than he expected. The comet shakes, his suit shuts down and everything goes black as it feels like he is spinning.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

He wakes with a start. 

 

It feels like he’s slammed into the ground but when he opens his eyes he is standing up right. 

 

His vision comes to him before his hearing does. He is standing in the middle of a large room, he thinks it must be some sort of party in a banquet room or ballroom. There are hundreds of people dressed up, black suit and tie. The sound in his ears is muffled, static filled for a few seconds before it starts to change frequency and become clear. 

 

“Tony? Tony? Are you even listening?” Pepper’s voice breaks through and he feels grateful. He’s felt this before, felt it when he saw Rhodey land a chopper in the desert and pick up his broken and bruised form. He feels it again now, in the sound of her voice and the way she seems to be nagging him like he never thought that he would hear it again. 

 

“I must be dead.” He whispers as he looks around the room filled with too many people that want to mean something to Stark Industries. 

 

“No, not yet but you will be if you don’t go over and talk to that congressman.” Pepper is trying to guide him with a hand on his back but he stops and looks at her. 

 

“What year is this?” 

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“What year is it?”

 

“2016.” She applies more pressure to push him forward. 

 

“Why aren’t you going over there? Aren’t you the CEO?” 

 

“Ha-ha, very funny Tony.”  

 

Tony spins around quickly and he finds his body doesn’t ache the way it normally does. That there are no stretched sore muscles, no erupted veins under his skin. 

 

“Can you just give me a few minutes and I promise you that I will go speak to anyone that you want me to.” 

 

Pepper looks at him with suspicion and he knows that even in this world that sometimes he promises don’t hold the weight he wants them to. 

 

“Ok, fine. Go, but please be back soon and don’t let me down.” She takes another step back from him as her eyes start scanning the room looking for any potential damage control she may have to do. 

 

“I owe you one.” 

 

“More than one, trust me.” She ushers him away just as someone approaches her talking about when is Tony available for a meeting. 

 

He pushes his way through the crowd, doesn’t make eye contact with anyone as he looks for a bathroom. 

 

It seems to be temporarily empty and his heels clink against the marble floor. He goes over to the counter, gripping it as he leans over the sink to look into the mirror. 

 

He looks for any defining characteristics, any major changes in his appearance. He thinks that he doesn’t look as tired, or as worn. That he apparently doesn’t have years of fights under his belt. 

 

He puts his hand up to his chest and doesn't feel anything underneath his tailored suit. He panics for a moment. Even though the arc-reactor is gone in his world he didn’t expect it to be gone in his one as well. 

 

He undoes his tie and the top buttons on his shirt only to find unscarred skin underneath. There is no longer ugly white stretching across his chest, just tanned skin. Tony doesn’t know if he should be thankful. 

 

It seems in this world Pepper hasn’t gone through years of grief, that her skin hasn’t known fire. 

 

Maybe they’re both better off here. 

 

“Tony! Been looking for you!” Obadiah comes into the bathroom, a strong hand clasping on Tony’s shoulder. 

 

Tony looks him in the eyes through the reflection of the mirror and he notices that his eyes are the same. They still hold malice in them, hidden underneath layers and layers of bullshit. 

 

“What are you doing here?” The question has more implications that Obadiah doesn’t catch onto. 

 

“Looking for you! Got a big speech coming up and wanted to make sure that you were still here and that you hadn’t run off to leave it to me.” His voice is dripping with sarcasm, something that Tony had never realized before. 

This world is exactly how it would have been if Tony had never gone on that weapons demonstration. If he would have missed the plane and Rhodey would have gone without him. 

 

There is no Black Widow, no Hawkeye, no Hulk. 

 

There is no Captain America. 

 

Tony’s mind is whirling, trying to process the new circumstances he’s been put in. Maybe he can find Steve, maybe he can locate him in the ice if no one has yet. 

 

He thinks of Steve’s body, frozen and cold, and he can’t help the sinking feeling in his stomach. 

 

It’s worse when he looks up at Obediah and realizes all of the things that have been going on in this world under Tony’s nose. The arms deals and all of the lives that Stark Industries has still been taking. 

 

“We’re a weapons manufacturing company.” Tony whispers it as he looks down at the marbled floor, the green and gray swirls reminding him of the night sky, reminding him of galaxies. 

 

Obadiah almost laughs, a short sickening sound. “How drunk are you Tones? Of course we are. Still the best in the world.” 

 

“And all the people you’re dealing to under the table? All the lives you’ve helped kill, that doesn’t stop you from sleeping at night?” 

 

Obadiah takes a step back, his expression finally unmasked. “Tony, I don’t know what you’ve heard-”

 

“Save it. I’ll deal with this later.” Tony pushes past him and out of the bathroom to find Pepper. 

 

* * *

He can’t stay here, he can’t live with the fact that things are exactly as they should have been. He shouldn’t be this man, turning to a bottle and a one night stand to forget all of the mistakes he’s made. 

 

This world has a body count higher than he wants to admit. 

 

He finds Pepper surrounded by a group of people, all of them listening intently as she represents Stark Industries in it’s best light possible. 

 

“Come on Pep, we’re leaving.” He already has her by the arm, not looking back as he guides her out of the room. 

 

“Tony! We can’t just leave! We need to make sure the shareholders-”

 

Tony spins around on her. “Fuck the shareholders. We’re better than this Pepper, you’re better than this. Working for a company that supplies weapons to underdeveloped countries, to men with bad intentions that want to do nothing but reinforce their power and control.” 

 

“I,” she takes a breath, her hands starting to shake, “I had no idea.” 

 

“I think somewhere deep down we both did and I think you stayed for me and Pepper, I love you for everything that you are and everything that you do for me and I hope that you stayed for me. That even in this world you loved me back just enough for that. If that’s true than please trust me and come with me.”

 

She doesn’t acknowledge what he said, not the cutting thing about love and how it feels like it’s digging into her flesh. She nods her head yes instead and puts her hand in his. 

 

* * *

They go out to the balcony as he waits for a helicopter to show up to take them back to Malibu. He looks through the open doors and into the room that they just left. 

 

“What if I told you in a different life I was someone else, someone bigger than this?” Tony waves around to the crowd, to the people that mean nothing to him. 

 

Pepper looks at him, smiles and looks away as she tries not to roll her eyes. She catches a glimpse of him, seriousness etched across his features. A Tony she’s rarely ever seen. She turns back to him, her long ponytail swaying. 

 

“Ok, in this other world, what are you like?” 

 

“Well for starters you’ve dumped me more times than I care to admit.” He says it like it’s supposed to be a joke, like she’s going to be in on it. 

 

Her features immediately fall and Tony wishes he could put the smile back. Even in this world he fears that he’s caused the frown lines around her petal soft lips. 

 

“We were together?” She asks, her voice softer and not as commanding as it normally is. 

 

Tony nods his head, knowing that Pepper must think all of this is some intricate ploy. Or that her boss is severely drunk but he figures it doesn’t matter at this point. 

 

“The thing is Pepper, that even here I can tell that among all these serious scowling faces you’re still you, still a beacon of light.” 

 

Pepper parts her lips slightly as she looks at Tony. He thinks she must have turning over ideas in her idea, trying to figure out reasonings and outcomes. 

 

“How much have you had to drink?” She crosses her arms over her chest and leans back on her heels as she examines him. 

 

He figures this is the world he would be in if the shrapnel in his chest had never happened, if he had never discovered how sand and blood mix. If he had never learned about weapons and the lives he was unknowingly taken with his name etched into the side of metal. 

 

“Honestly, nothing, but I could use a drink right now.” 

 

“I don’t understand what happened tonight.” She keeps her eyes focused on the people in front of her in hopes that it will make something click. 

 

“I apparently time traveled, or got thrown into another dimension. I have no fucking idea at this point. For a moment I thought that it would be ok, that maybe I would be able to stay here but I can’t Pepper. This world isn’t for me and it sure as hell isn’t for you. I’ve made a lot of mistakes but I think I’ve made even more here and I’m scared to know what they all are.”

 

She turns to look at him again and realizes that he’s not joking anymore about time travel or talks about other worlds. 

 

“You said that you loved me?”

 

It’s like opening up a wound that never fully healed all the way. 

 

“I did and you loved me back. You were in love with me at one point but I think I put you through too much, stressed you out too much. Was reckless with myself and eventually you fell out of love with me. And eventually I stopped hurting enough to fall out of love with you too. But Pepper I’ll always love you.” 

 

There are tears in her eyes that she can’t explain. “That sounds like something you would do,” she tries to make a joke of it and force a smile. 

 

He hears the helicopter on the roof and gives Pepper a kiss on her cheek. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into her ear as he pulls away.

* * *

 

“Wait, I thought I was coming with you? I thought you were going back to the mansion?” 

 

“You know how I just said I was reckless and did things to stress you out?” He walks backward as he talks to her. 

 

“Tony,”

 

“Well this is one of those things. Forgive me.” 

 

And he knows even in this world she always will. 

 

* * *

There are other universes out there. Universes where he’s a better man, and universes where he is all of the things he never wanted to be. Universes where he has killed and there is too much blood on his hands. 

 

He thinks that maybe there is one that fits him perfectly and he’s just waiting for the impact.    
  


 

The blades to the chopper crash into the side of his mansion. His head snaps back just as the flames combust around him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted the first universe to be kind of gentle before I toss everyone into some of the shit I'm about to pull, and by shit, I mean I'm sure I'm going to make something super tragic

**Author's Note:**

> hobbit fandom writer trying to branch out into marvel, you can follow me on tumblr @ killaidanturner


End file.
